Primitive man, thanks

We owe so much to those guys we can’t even imagine. Have you ever seen a documentary about the prehistory? They had to make huge sacrifices to preserve our specie, and I don’t think we are being grateful enough.

Women thousands of years ago were very hairy, I mean, insane eyebrows, beard, hairy legs, arms, armpits… When I take a look at them, they don’t seem to me like people who smelled good. Then they had yellow teeth, or they were just toothless. Having showers weren’t a common thing. They were strong, ugly, aggressive… let’s face it, they were dirty males with vaginas, and our ancestors had to and did in fact bang them. I bet it wasn’t a pleasant thing to do, but they did it because they had balls and because they cared about us.

Now, we are just here with all these gorgeous girls, enjoying how beautiful they are, how good they smell, white teeth, tiny eyebrows, thin, shaved… and I think we should invent already a time machine so we could send some of our beautiful girls to the primitive for their enjoyment, I think they deserve it. It would be a good way of saying: Primitive man, thanks

The Justin Bieber situation

Do you remember when you were 15? Imagine that in that period you start singing, putting your videos singing in the Youtube, people start watching them, a lot of people, and then, at some point, you become the most famous singer in the world. What would be the problem? What’s your fault?

Lately everywhere I go where someone is talking about this Justin Bieber guy, all I can detect is hate, I mean, hate, really hate, and I find that really funny, hilarious.

Someone - Justin Bieber is so fucking gay I hope he dies

Me - Oh, Why’s that?

Someone - Mmm… Justin Bieber is so fucking gay I hope he dies… Don’t tell me you like him? You’ll be a fag if you did!

Me - I just listened to one of his songs, he’s not Beethoven, but tolerable

Then I almost got kicked by that person, a eighty year old woman she was. Other day I was in a bar with some people, Mtv or some bullshit channel like it was on, then our friend Justin appeared, and people started complaining, they were very disgust, they were full of hate. I was really impressed

When I arrived home I googled him, the song I knew of him, had like 500 millions views, that seem to be a lot. I saw the like button; ¾ of the people had voted for dislike. Then I started reading the comments:

DONT FORGET TO DISLIKE THE VIDEO!!!

Justin Bieber is a gay man who finds the powerful

They want us to see his film they can try and convert us into their sick and twisted belieber cult. Fuck that!

FIRST GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY VID TO GET500000000 VIEWS !!!

..... I wouldnt see that movie if i got paid 50 bucks

More than 4 million comments, comments fall there like rain here in Galicia (that means a lot) So, is obvious this teenager is just a product, a mark, like Nike, Coca-Cola or whatever shit, he is all over, a lot of promotion, a lot of lovers and maybe more haters, and I just don’t get it. People don’t hate Coca-Cola for being all over the place, have a lot of commercials and even have controversies in countries of the third world where they opened factories. Why do people hate this boy? Honestly, I don’t give a shit, either you love him or hate him I think you’re stupid. He is just a regular adolescent with a regular voice who some company started selling as an Icon, like they always do.

How easy is to hate a boy instead of other things, instead of face your meaningless existence, people is usually more demanding with others than with themselves. If you want to waste your time hating people you don’t know or won’t know, hate the people who sell you the boy, not the boy. Condemn the sin, not the sinner, because maybe, some day, someone with his head twisted will kill the boy, and then we all will be putting our hands on our heads, not the company though, they will keep selling the icon and making a fortune out of the boy, show must go on.

The village's hero

New York has Spiderman, my village has me. It isn't the first time I save someone's ass around here, and that is why I am the savior and protector of this Galician land.

Being a hero is tough, no joke, a lot of responsability. My first deed came when I was like ten years old, a small cousin fell in the escalators and when he was gonna die I raised him (Maybe he wasn't going to die, but he had fallen)

Then I went for one deed to another until someday in the village where I live there was a great flood. My neighbor's hens were dying drowned inside the death trap their house has became, so, braveheart of me got inside that coop and started looking for hens with water on my hips, a black water, very dense, mixed with feces and death bodies. I didn't rescue any hen, but I got dirty and wet, if that isn't heroic what is it?

I don't know guys, there are so many heroism in my short biography. The other day I was at home, wathing TV or reading a book (maybe watching porn) when someone rang, I answered and I heard this:

- Help! Help! I need help please! HELP!!

I'm used to this kind of calls, I'm the village's hero, so I maintained the calm:

- Who are you? Could you come back in ten minutes? I'm in the middle of something right now...

- I'm the neighbor! I need help please! Please!

Since she was sounding really scared I decided to check things up. I put on my suit (a hen's costume I wore when I was five) and got out. At my door was this sweet 17 year old teenager very scared but at the same time very hopeful expecting that her hero: The chickenman, would save her.

She told me someone was in problems, a gate had fell upon her older sister. I ran to her house and then I saw how her sister was lying in the floor with her mother hugging and protecting her. I cleared the zone, touched the girl's legs and asked her if she felt that, she did feel it, but you can never be prudent enough with these things, so I kept touching her, just the most sensitive places, dismiss any medullary damage is very important.

She seemed to be feeling everyhting, so I took my fingers out of her vagina and asked to her mother what had happened. She told me her doughter was openning the gate when it fell over her, she was stuck for a couple minutes but her other doughter and her could get her out. I told her we should call an ambulance, she agreed on that. I called the ambulance and then we waited, in the cold, it was really cold, my hen's costume isn't the wormest.

Ten minutes later the ambulance arrived and took the poor girl to the hospital, I went back home and had a shower. Another person had been saved by me, by the hero. Living in my village can be boring, but with me here, you'll be always safe.

Grettings, and remember, I can save you one or a hundred times, but is important you take care of yourself, fellow.

Mmm check out how ugly is that one

Every time I walk in the street I see a lot of hot girls, if I go to a shop, I see a lot of hot girls. If a go around a church, I see a lot of hot girls, if I turn on my TV I see a lot of hot girls. Everywhere is full of hot girls right now. There are a lot of hot girls, we live surrounded by them, and that's not okay.

There is so much amount of hot girls now that I'm honestly starting to feel attracted to the ugly ones, it's so hard to find one, they are so cute going all alone while nobody but me is looking at them. In the past being hot was the difference, now is the rule, the difference is being ugly, and men are attracted to the difference, not the rule.

The ugly ones are smarter because they need that to survive, funnier because of the same reason, smiling doesn't open doors for them, they have to struggle in life, they are more prepared for everything. I know they hate the hot ones, but it's jut a matter of time that changes. Maybe I'm the first one who starts feeling attracted to the ugly women instead of the pretty hot ones, but I assure you I won't be the last one. Pretty soon all of us will be saying: "Mmm check out how ugly is that one"

Sponge vs Bar of soap

Life is about decisions, choices. I want to talk about one of the toughest today. Whether using a sponge or a bar of soap in the shower. Well, I know in the States the bars of soap are the most usual, and I used to don't understand why, until I tried it.

The sponge is nice, you can reach isolated spots, is easy to manage, hard to drop and it's even soft and sweet, but you have to put a lot of soap on it, two charges per shower, that is not okay, and the soap is like very ephemeral, I don't feel absolutely cleanness with it I may say.

In the other hand, bars of soap are more slippery, easier to drop and not as manageable as sponges. But I have to say I made the change to them, once you try the bar is like a completely new experience, the cleanness feeling is huge, amazing, maybe it's harder to use, not as soft, but I think bars of soap are better than sponges. Don't you think?

Everybody has that person

Have you ever met someone for the first time in a party, a dinner or whatever and you guys talked about some subject, but only one subject and then split? Then have you ever seen that very same person a few weeks later and had the same exactly conversation about the very same subject? And a couple months later have you ever found that person again and talked again about the same subject? Of course you have, everybody has that person.

It's weird, because the first time you think you go along with that person "we really had some talking there" you may think. The second time when you have the same conversation you start thinking something is going wrong. The third time you realized you guys are stuck in that subject, you realized you guys only talk about the same thing on and on and everytime you guys try to change the subject uncomfortables silences appear.

And that situation is forever, you can't change that, it's impossible. Everytime you see that person you are going to be so uncomfortable that no matter how hard you force yourself to not to, you will end bringing up the subject you guys always talk about. And that subject is usually boring and stupid, maybe you talk about how good Lebron is, maybe about how horrible is that guy's job, or maybe the subject is just about the wheather. My advice is simple: Start studing about weather, the guy's job or Lebron, because you are going to talk about that with that person forever

Money buys happiness

I think it does, I know it's really cool saying: "No, money doesn't buy happinnes, love and friendship does" And that's true, if you have millions of dollars more millions of dollars won't make you happier, but we know that's not the point.

I think that if you have millions you can buy time, and time gives happiness. Would you spent hours in your office if you could spent them with your children? Would you be happier travelling the globe going wherever you want to or going to sleep early because your boss doesn't tolerate delays? If you mix time with money you have the happiness' recipe.

Of course your mother, son or friend can die, of course you can waste your life due to the amount of free time, but that is only because if you mix time, money and stupidity you have the unhappiness' recipe. Where are you reading this pal? In your office or wherever you wanted to be? You can keep saying that money doesn't buy everything, but according to how the world is ruled, so far it does.

This guy you are with, the one named God, isn't advisable, sweetie

I witnessed a lot of crazyness around me these last few days. Maybe I'm the crazy one, not them. People waking up early, traveling hundreds of miles and waiting for hours to see some guy dressed in white passing by in his transparent car without even stopping. People with a shaken gesture screaming things like: "¡Papa amigo, España está contigo!" (Pope, friend, Spain is with you!)

And I think that is why love to God is pretty much the same than love to a couple. You think everything he does is perfect, you think he is the best, you are blinded. And when I witness this behaviour I feel bad, because you can't do anything to open her (or his) eyes. It's like that friend of yours dating a really bad ass, whatever you tell her only will put her against you, she will refuse everything you say that she doesn't want to hear, her love is perfect and that's it.

And let's face it, What could we do? What can we tell them? "Hey, that guy you are going out with doesn't seem someone you can trust in, he doesn't even show himself honey" "I know he is very famous and successful, I just think loving someone who never calls you back is weird" "I don't envy you buddy, I just said all those tales they tell you about him don't seem very real to me" "Allow me an advice my friend: If you have to die to meet him he isn't worth it at all" "You are just one more of millions, he is very promiscuous Don't you see that?" "I'm sorry but he is just with you for your money, How many times did you give him some? How many times did he give it back to you?" "Just face it, this guy you are with, the one named God, isn't advisable, sweetie"

Pope Star

The Pope and all of his toys (you gotta love the Popemobile)are in Spain, and of all places he decided to come to Galicia. The excitement and nervousness has been huge among the religious fanatics, while the non religious people have been annoyed and pissed. A traveling Pope always comes with quite a hefty pricetag (around six millions euros in cost), but you know, seeing the closest thing we have to God has never been cheap.

The guy is a star though, he came, gave his concert, played his most famous hits like "The Lord´s player" and "Hail Mary", made people go crazy, probably screwed a couple young groupies behind the stage, and left for his next stop. What a life he has, dressed with those extravagant clothes, flying in private jets, crusing around in his bomb proofed personal car. The media couldn't talk about anything that wasn't the Pope this week, they were so absorbed that there were a few fires and murders that actually went unreported in the news. He is clearly the most important person in the world, he is a real hero. His unique achievement in life is simply being the Pope.

He talked about the poor people for a while, and I think it was very appropriate, talking about that issue while wearing a gold-covered crown, living in a gold-covered palace. But poor people were crying tears of hope with his visit, just having the opportunity of seeing him made their day, possibly their year. He is just the visible head of a very profitable and successful bussiness, he is the Pope Star.

Hello! How are you doing? Don't kill me please

Jogging is healthy, I think all of us agree on that. I've lived very few times in the US, but I could see how many people do jogging there, it's like a religion, every one finds the time in their day to go out with their ipod and get some exercise. I find that very nice.

I walk my dog everyday, so I do jogging. I have to say I have the honor of being the first inhabitant of my village to be a jogger, I'm actually the first person there who said the word jogging. I run or walk around the forest, I actually live in the forest, but when I run or walk (walk) I go to the part without houses, one with some mountains, it's fun. There are several trails, nobody is around, no noises. I usually run into wild animales like horses, cows or wild boars, but they are fine. If you just ignore them they ignore you.

The most uncomfortable situation is when once or twice in a month, I bump into a human being. There are a lot of miles of forest, nobody walks on it, but there are exceptions sometimes. When you see the guy coming (always dudes, and scary ones) you get nervous, it's silly, but true, you thought you were alone, you behaved like you were alone, but now you realize you aren't, one person is walking in your direction. You know you have to say hello, when you find another person in a huge empty place, not saying hello is worse than spitting in his face. Then, when the closer is getting the guy, the more you think about how alone you guys are, and how easy it would be for one of us killing the other and getting away with it. I mean, you can scream, but no one would hear you, you are totally at his mercy, so if you run into a serial killer you are screwed. That's why these one or two times per month I find someone in the forest I tell him with a kind smile: "Hello! How are you doing? Don't kill me please" And then I keep jogging.

Suicidal people have a lot of merit

When someone commits suidicide we tend to think the guy was a coward "He took the easy way" we say, I think that is not true, I think those guys deserve a lot of credit, I wouldn't know how to even get started with that. How do you do it?

I could shoot myself in the head, but I'd need a gun, and I don't know how to get a gun, in Spain you have to get through a lot of bureaucracy to get one (In the US they sell them in Walmarts but here is different)and once you get one you must use it right. What if you shoot yourself in the wrong place and end up being a vegetable? I could also cut my veins, but where exactly? In the movies they always cut the arm, and they always fail. You can jump out of a window you may say, I live in the country, the highest building here has two stories. Then the one about the toaster in the shower wouldn't work either, the wire doesn't reach my tub, and I highly doubt my poor electric conection could kill a fly. You can always hang yourself you sure thinking, How dude? You have to make that professional knot, find a good rope, a hook or something, hanging yourself is probably the hardest one.

Then we have the letter part. What do you write on those? You explain your reasons? You make a biography? How long should it be? You send it or just leave it at home? Too many questions man... When you want to kill yourself and you find out you don't know how, that would probably get you more depressed and would make your will of killing yourself bigger, and that would put you in a curl. Suicide is a very hard thing, that's why we should give a lot of credit to the ones who achieve it. Suicidal people have a lot of merit.

People dying makes me hungry

When my grandma was dying, I went several times to the hospital to visit her and reward with my company, all those amazing soups, tasty stews and awesome desserts she gave me in the past. In that hospital I witnessed the most disturbing thing ever seen.

In my grandma's room there were three beds. One for her, another for an old lady in her last days too, and then the last one was for a 15 year old anorexic girl. Seeing that situation, I had to ask a doctor why they would put that poor girl in the same room with two dying old ladies. He told me that it was just part of her treatment "Every anorexic is in a room with two dying old people so they know what is life about"

I think that is absolutely insane, my grandma passed away in less than a week, the other lady one day after her, the 15 year old anorexic girl had to be like four months in that room. I calculate she could witness 25 deaths in her stay in that hospital. More madness, when someone died they let the dead body in the room, so when I left that hospital the anorexic girl was watching TV with my dead grandma and a old lady who would die that very same night. My cuestion is: What the fuck are they doing in that hospital? What are they thinking? Do they actually believe that those poor anorexic people are going to start eating because everybody around is dying? What do they expect? That the anorexics tell them: "You were right Doctor, people dying makes me hungry"

That's it, I'm getting myself pregnant tonight

Have you ever thought how would the world be if we were hermaphrodite? If any men or women could impregnate themselves any moment they want? How would that be like? Would there be more or less children in the world?

I think it depends, if we could get pregnant any time we masturbate, the overpopulation would be the main problem in our society, but if we just could get ourselves pregnant any time we want to, there would be less kids for sure. Men or women wouldn't need each other for anything (there would only be one gender) or maybe we would, if we kept our two genders and could have sex, but worhtless sex, just pleasure but not reproduction, the world would be awesome. Don't you think?

Just by changing that thing, our world would be completly different, our social relations and interactions would change a lot. Our life would be really weird and disturbing. Just imagine that guy with a fine work and with his own department lying in his bed with troubles to sleep while feeling lonely thinking: "That's it, I'm getting myself pregnant tonight"

Just pick a masseuse

Masseuses are the best girlfriends possible, doesn't matter how they look or how interesting they are, any time you want it, you get a free massage. Sex is cool, but let's face it, a sex-massage combo is the coolest option possible.

You are watching TV lying on your couch while someone is giving you an amazing massage in your head, a pro massage! That is heaven dude. Who cares she is fat or bald? She is a woman and she has the skills to have you relaxed all the time. In fact, the uglier she is the luckier you are, you won't have any competition, the massuses are very underestimated in our society yet, and since she is ugly she'll want to reward you with one awesome massage everytime you ask for it.

So, forget about supermodels or sex symbols, I bet they don't know how to give massages, and if they do they probably don't want to give them away. She can be blonde, dark-haired or brunette. Whether she is fat or thing, pretty or ugly, young or old, just pick a masseuse my friend.

Halloween in Spain

When I was a kid Halloween in Spain just existed within English classes. No one was interested in that celebration, we have the Carnival, which is pretty much the same. But we live under the clutches of capithalism, and it covers everything. Gradually in Spain the shopping malls started selling and promoting Halloween costumes and stuff. The media started talking about how great Halloween is (using that smart trick of saying something is already happenning when it isn't. If you say everybody is doing something, everybody starts doing something like idiots) and right now, for more or less five years, we celebrate Halloween like one of our most famous celebrations in the year.

I find this sad and annoying, the other day three girls bad dressed with indefinable costums, came to my home and said: "Truco o trato" That crap doesn't make any sense in Spanish, it's a too literally translation. I didn't give them anything but my mother did (She is American) we don't have Halloween culture, when a bunch of stupid kids arrive to some random home, they usually won't get anything but questions: "What did you say about a treatment?" "Who are you again?" "Why are you people in my house?"

I asume this Halloween bullshit is unstoppable already, this war is defeated, media always wins. I just find funny that in Spain people is imitating this traditional American custom and they don't know what for. I'm from a Celt land, Galicia is Celt, so it is Halloween, but I don't care, we've never done this before, we don't even know how doing it. Witnessing it is really sad. The only ones winning here are the ones selling costumes and some other Halloween stuff to the retarded Spaniards, and believe me, we can be very good at sports, but at being retarded no one can beat us.

Scared from the distance

I have been hearing a lot lately about the "tea party" and all their nutty supporters. Sometimes they say in the news here in Spain that Sarah Palin wants to run for president in the future. Sometimes they interview republican supporters and I listen to what they have to say, and I must confess that their opinions scare me a little bit, they are pretty radical if you ask me.

The US is one of the most powerful countries in the world. Could it ever be ran by such lunatic people? Well, you never know what happens at the polls, but let me tell you, I'm scared from the distance...

Che, I'm sorry for you

Have you noticed how many people wear clothes with the Che's picture on it? It's like an epidemic, T-shirts, caps, sweaters, tatoos... There is a whole bussiness behind this dude's face. And I think this is really sad, not because I don't like the Che's history but because I know the Che's history.

This guy was a revolutionary with a very radical socialist idiology, he really heated imperialism, and look now, his face is an icon of imperialism, he is like Nike now. I think if he came to life again and he saw all those people walking around with his face, he would go back to death again, he would be so dissapointed, poor dude, devote his life to his idiology for this, Che, I'm sorry for you.

Old friends

Today an old friend called me, I have to confess that since I moved out from my home town I pretty much broke all contact with it. I started travelling and doing other things. My life in my home town wasn't the healthiest so I think I won with the change. At least I've learned that for sure today.

When an old friend calls you after a couple years without any contact, he would start telling you a lot of things: "That guy had a kid, he is so fucked now" "That other guy is messed up because his girlfriend left him" "My brother is fat as hell now, you won't recognize him for sure"

And you just listen thinking: "Ok man..." Then all the personal questions arrive: "Where are you now?" "You married or what?" "Are you working in the same place?" Then the attemps of getting together: "Dude, you have to come to town with us and have fun like the old days" "What are you doing this week?" "Come on man, we miss you here"

And right now I'm the one who's fucked, one of this days I will have to go to my home town to listen a lot of stories I'm not sure I'm interesed in, tell the same story once and again about where I've been, what I'm doing now...etc. And what for? I think old friends just should meet in periods of 20 or 25 years, that's a real old friend.

Don't get a Golden Retriever my friend

I like dogs, I think they are a great animal, but they come with responsabilities. You have to raise them, take care about them, feed them, play with them, walk them...etc. I honestly like doing all those things, my problem is my dog doesn't pay me any attention, he manages me like he wants.

And that's because of his beauty, I have a Golden retriever, that is a famous breed for its beauty and intelligence. They have this extremly sad gesture that makes me impossible to telling him off no matter what he does. He is totally barbarian, out of control. He makes me feel like the worst human being when I take my car, he tries to get in, I don't let him and I leave without him, I drive and feel like if I've killed somebody.

When we talk about food is even worse, the dog is fat, I won't lie to you... But just understand me man, I can't deny food to those sad eyes! I think he is so smart that he does all that on purpose, this is his strategy, he is really mean, Goldens retriever are mean. Don't get a Golden retriever my friend...

Google sucks!

Don't you think? This company must be full of idiots. Of course they have a lot of money, but money is money, not intelligence. The internet has given a lot of money to geeks. If it wasn't for the internet, if this idea of connecting all the computers would have never worked, those millionaries would be serving burguers, I'm pretty sure.

Think about it, two guys from Stanford who probably had problems to get dates, made this engine for their university website and a couple of years later they were billioners. Why didn't you or me make such thing? Why them? Well, I was a boy in 1998, and you... well, you know your reasons I guess. So, What is my problem? Why I'm saying they are idiots? Just look around man, look the ads they put or let put on blogs... Are intelligent the people who is putting this ads in my blog? I think they are not, I think they are idiots.

If someone writes in his blog about women's rights, Google will put ads about: "Browse singles now" (African dating and singles). If someone decides to write about hunger and the third world, Google will put different ads: "Browse singles now" (Filipino dating and singles). If someone writes about how much he hates religion, Google will put all kind of ads like: "Scientology" (Who I am? What is my future?... Ahhh!) "Who is the Antichrist?" (Click and see..) Really Google? I don't even want to imagine what crap will they put in this post, but I bet it will be something stupid, because they are idiots, because Google sucks!