Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Reactions to a father who wants to nail his daughter

It happened in Vienna, I was with a friend and we went in to an ice cream shop, it was small and there weren’t any customers. We sat and ordered ice creams cones. There was a married couple, probably in their fifties, running the place and waiting for costumers to show up and attend them. She was pretty normal, little bit fat but a normal fifty year old woman, she looked European, later we found out she was Austrian (wasn’t a surprise since we were in Austria). Her husband was the weird one, he had Arabic features, only one eyebrow, a huge one, he was bald, short, ugly… later we found out he was from Egypt.

Since we were the only customers there we started talking. It was the common conversation you receive when you are far away of your home:

Wife: Where are you from, Italy or Spain?

Me: New Caledonia

Friend: Yeah, from Nouméa, the capital…

Wife: Oh where is that exactly?

Me: I think that is pretty clear madam…

Friend: I kind of feel insulted here…

Wife: Oh yes, “New Culidonya” yes, sorry… What are you doing here in Vienna?

Me: We are just looking for lands to conquest…

Friend: “New Culindonya” needs to be expanded…

Wife: Really?

Me: I’m just kidding, we are actually on our honey moon… (Shocking gesture on the wife’s face and then a shocking gesture on the husband’s face after his wife translated for him)

Friend: Yes, our wives are in the hotel room cleaning right now

Me: Later they will take care of the corridors…

Wife: So when are you guys leaving?

Me: Probably when we finish our ice creams…

Friend: Not totally bad ice cream by the way…

More or less that was how the conversation went, then someone entered the store. I even recall a slow motion plane and music when she appeared. At that moment, the prettiest woman I had ever seen was the one who was feeding water to a donkey (We´ll get in to that pretty soon) but this one beat her. I remember her very well, she was a mix between Arabic and European beauty. Dark hair and skin, she was white but with dark skin, she had brown clear eyes, almost green. She was wearing very casual clothes, the kind of clothes that an eight-year-old wears but she was almost twenty. Her body was perfect and her face was the living image of an angel. Pure beauty.

We were seated in a small table and the married couple was on their feet talking with us. When she arrived an intense silence ocurred, my friend and I stared at her impressed with her uncommon beauty. She walked in smiling and sat at a table near ours. While she was walking to the table, the husband checked her out with a nasty look, he stared at her ass with a desiring look. Then he looked at us making that usual men’s gesture when a hot woman is around that says: “Did you see her? I wanna fuck every hole on her” We responded with the other classic gesture that says: “I am impressed with her beauty too, yum yum”

She had a backpack, she took out some pencils and a notebook. The wife sat by her side and they started talking in German. They seemed to be discussing something about how to write a word. My friend and I thought that maybe that most beautiful woman we have ever seen was working in that store and was in charge of decoration or something (She was the best possible decoration as a matter of fact)

Seeing how good relationship the wife had with the prettiest girl in history, we started regretting our pricklike behaviour with the store owners. We found out that they were arguing about how the word España (Spain) has to be written. We walked in to that store because we were out of money, we didn’t have a place to be and we had to kill time before attending a soccer game between Spain and Germany later that afternoon. We had to stop being assholes for awhile and start talking to them properly.

We explained our jokes about our origin and told them the truth that we were from Spain, then the wife who was the only one who could speak English told us about her life, her husband’s life and yes… her daughter’s life. We couldn’t believe that glorious girl was their daughter. Even now I can’t believe that such a beauty came out of that one eyebrow man’s dick and that fat woman’s vagina. But over everything I can’t believe how someone could give such a disgusting nasty look to his own daughter.

The girl didn’t speak English and was too shy to even try (She was perfect). We very kindly ordered more ice creams, we were willing to wait around until she learn our language or we learned German if it was required. The truth is that we became completely different people when that girl walked in, that’s what people who will go to hell do, modify their behaviour depending on the appearance of the people who they are with.

We very kindly explained them how writing “¡Viva España!” (“Hurray Spain!” I guess it would be translated, they had problems with Spanish letter: ñ) The soccer euro cup final was about to be played in their town, a lot of Spaniards were around and they thought it would be good idea to put a little sign in their shop window to encourage Spaniards to come in to their store (A picture of their daughter would’ve been more than enough)

We pretended to be funny and healthy people who were just spending more than an hour eating fifty-cent ice creams because we “really” liked them and we just happened to want more and more. Sadly the match time approached at one point and we had to leave, we made the prettiest girl ever laugh a few times, but she just spoke German and it is very hard hitting on a girl while her mother is translating, so we left with nothing but the memory of having met a really unique woman.

After leaving we started worrying thinking about that father’s look to his daughter. We witnessed how Spain beat German in that game, but in our minds there was only room for what had happened in that ice cream shop. We felt guilty leaving her unprotected with that unibrowed father and his nasty’s looks. We saw the danger but we just left and that was wrong. These are better reactions to a father who wants to nail his daughter:

1/ Calling the police would have been the best thing to do (That’s right)

2/ Calling the police would have been the second best thing to do (That’s truth)

3/ Calling the police would have being the third best thing to do (Enough asshole! Make up something else…)

4/ Explain to her mother the father’s look we caught and leave with our minds relieved (She probably would’ve called the police because it was her first, second and third best option)

5/ Once the police had arrived explain to them what we witnessed and ask them to take measurements (After seeing the girl, policemen would have understood the poor man situation and they would have just eaten some ice cream while trying to make advances with her )

6/ Forget that the translator was her mother and hit on her (I’m so stupid. If I had done that I could’ve lived with my conscience clear so far)

7/ Memorize the store’s location. Come back home and dedicate my whole life to learning German to be able to talk to her without translator. Go back to the store and sweet-talk her (Wouldn’t work, I’m not funny or interesting in Spanish, even less in English What makes me think I would be in German?)

8/ Give her nasty looks too, she probably grew up with that and she relates that with masculinity (We probably don’t know it but we gave her very nasty looks already)

9/ Give nasty looks to her father (I have a unibrow fetish)

10/ Move to Vienna and stalk her (It got bored after a few months)

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