Monday, June 21, 2010

Reactions to my first reader´s comment

After trying for awhile, I found a way to bring traffic to my blog, one person in concrete… This guy read one of my stories and blacked out. He ended up speechless, delighted. Here is his comment:

This is so unfunny. Hey bub don't quick you day job. You are not a writer. Your presence on is like a tick on an elephant's penis! Thanks for wasting my time you self indulgent boring asshole.

Well, when the first comment to your blog is this, you don’t get to think it will be a success (not a surprise for me) what you get to think is that you suck. And let’s be honest: This blog sucks. Of course I’m not trying to compete with blogs like (it seems like a bad idea put some comments in there leaving my blog’s link to bring here people, they are reading a really funny thing and feel betrayed and pissed when they come and read this one) or Tucker Max or whatever American who happens to write well. If my goal was having success with a blog I probably would write it in Spanish like the scripts and books that I write.

But let’s take a time out here and analyze carefully what this guy, named Anonymous, felt when he wrote this comment, let’s analyze slowly why he used these exactly words and no others. Let’s try to discover the motivations he had to write exactly what he wrote. Let’s start by dividing his comment in parts:

This is so unfunny. Strong start, he clearly wanted to show his discomfort with me and my blog by pointing since the very beginning that he didn’t like it at all. He could say: This is not very funny. But due to his anger against me he preferred to use the word “so” indicating a lot of something, and “unfunny” indicating the opposite of what I try this blog to be (Without much success obviously)

Hey bub don't quick you day job. Okay, I don’t know what “bub” is, and I think I prefer it that way. And I don’t exactly know what he meant with “quick you day job” I think he was looking for something more like: “Do not quit your day job” This second phrase is pretty good advice. He understood that he needed to give me a tip to go along with my life and I found it very interesting (I don’t have a day job though, unless going to school parking lots with my binoculars is considered a day job)

You are not a writer. He continued with an intelligent affirmation. He probably thought I was an American, then he read my sad English and got mad at me, not leaving him another chance but to remind me I am not a writer. When everybody knows real writers are those who leave comments in blogs using the name Anonymous. We all have a lot to learn from this dude

Your presence on is like a tick on an elephant's penis! Well, we can find a lot of anger in this one; he even took the effort of putting an exclamation point. He is clearly pissed off, he probably hit his table with his hand after cleaning it or not when he finished his daily internet porn tour. Describing me as a tick on an elephant’s penis is something I get a lot I must confess. But in this particular situation I think he is right, my blog can’t be compared at the one, in fact, if you are here and you didn’t know about that other blog, just go there and laugh because it is hilarious.

Thanks for wasting my time you self indulgent boring asshole. As a real American, even though he was really angry, he can not help it and he had to be polite at the end, giving me his thanks. Or maybe he is not being polite, maybe this particular person can not get dates (I’ve been there buddy) and for him even though a “self indulgent boring asshole” has wasted his time, he is thankful because his life is so boring and disgraceful that the time seems to not pass by for him (Once again… I’ve been there buddy)

And this is pretty much it; he couldn’t say more with less. I hope this analysis explained more or less what this guy felt after reading my blog.

I referred the whole time to this person as a male, because it is clearly a male. Women don’t release their anger in boring and stupid blogs like this one. They are women, no matter how ugly they are, they always can get a date (Not with you Mr. Anonymous, don’t get anxious, you’ll have to wait your chance, hang in there with the porn until it arrives)

If you think about it carefully though, this is an amazing comment. What would this guy say if he had to pay for reading my blog? He would probably “quick his day job” to look for me and… and… well, I don’t know how Mr. Anonymous work. But he wouldn’t make me anything nice I can assure that. Anyways, I want to thanks this guy, for take the time of reading one of my posts and overall, comment on it. Of course his comment didn’t pass unnoticed for me. These are some reactions to my first reader’s comment:

1/ Get affected by his comment and kill myself dying as a self indulgent boring asshole (Whenever I die I will die as a self indulgent boring asshole anyway)

2/ Stop writing this blog because I’m not a writer and try to work in a Burger King (They were looking for more qualified people, maybe I’ll have better luck in McDonalds)

3/ Change the subject of this blog and instead of writing about stupid things and adding some dumb different options at the end, write about the greatness of birds and cats and how they can even behave as human beings sometimes (Birds&

4/ Cry because people don’t like my blog (Some stupid sand just got into my eye you fucking asshole!)

5/ Look for Mr. Anonymous and ask him for more advice, not for the blog but for life (The one about jerking off with the left hand I already know it bub)

6/ Fire my American cousin and look for a better funnier writer (Are you available Mr. Anonymous?)

7/ Don’t do anything, just keep masturbating while picturing Mr. Anonymous writing his comment very sweaty and angry (I like really fat people yum yum)

8/ Erase Mr. Anonymous’ comment (And miss the only funny thing in this blog?)

9/ Don’t write more posts until Mr. Anonymous apologizes to me (Even I know that I’m the one who should apologize to him, this blog really sucks)

10/ Unbury my nine, go to the States and shoot everybody until I feel like I have killed Mr. Anonymous (Mmmm, just like in college days…)

No comments:

Post a Comment