Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Reactions to a hot girl feeding water to a donkey

A few years ago a friend and I decided to descent a river in an inflatable craft. It was a peaceful river without current. We just thought it would be fun paddling for awhile. Our problem began when we told a cousin that we were descending the river and he wanted joining in. He told us he had his own inflatable craft and he knew the river so we agreed to his request of coming with us. He told us that he was bringing his brother-in-law too and we thought it was okay.

We organized the whole thing and we ended in front of the river with two inflatable crafts. They parked their car in the point where they decided the descent would end and we brought ours to the point they decided the descent would start. We met my cousin’s brother-in-law, he was a peculiar human being with an absentminded attitude, he lived in Holland and he was just visiting his sister or something like that.

The first thing that made us thinking that the descent would be a fiasco was this conversation: (The conversation occurred in Galician but I just translate it for you)

Me: So… Where are your oars dudes?

Cousin: We don’t have oars man

Friend: What?

Cousin: We just have the craft

Me: This river doesn’t have any current How do you expect to descend it?

Cousin: I don’t know man…

Friend: We can’t descend a river with two inflatable crafts and just two oars

Cousin: Calm down guys… I brought a rope

Me: I don’t think hanging yourself is the best option, not a bad one, just not the best right now…

Cousin: We can tie the crafts and take turns for paddling, you paddle for awhile then we get the oars and we paddle…It can be fun

Me: Descend the river tied up?

Cousin: Why not?

Friend: We can try it…

Cousin: Okay dudes… You guys can start going to the shore, we’ll be right there

Me: Where the hell are you going?

Cousin: We need cigarettes man

Me: Cigarettes?

My cousin told us how to get to the shore while they were going to get their fucking cigarettes. It wasn’t a good explanation and we weren’t good understandable people so we had a rough time finding the shore entry. The river is surrounded by forest so it wasn’t easy to walk through carrying with the inflatable raft. We got a little lost and we ended inside a private country estate. Right there we witnessed the most shocking thing in our whole wide lives.

We were in the country, Galician country, there are only old farmers and farm animals in there. We were in a remote lost house inside the forest near a river. In the estate were an old man working his land and near him the hottest girl we’ve ever seen feeding water to a disgusting donkey. She was dressed with bad clothes, she was dirty with mud and she was in a stinky farm but she was gorgeous. We shocked, we stared speechless for awhile, and then the old man saw us and talked to us.

He asked what were we doing in his propriety and we answered him that we were looking for a comfortable shore to get into the river, he told us how to get to one but we were just too impressed with that girl’s beauty. I can’t even describe her, she was twenty or so, thin, really cute face, amazing body… What the fuck was she doing there feeding water to a filthy donkey? (I think that kind of hot girls shouldn’t be aloud to live in isolated farms required by law. The police should take her and drop her in New York, Paris, Rome or London)

We made it to the river, the shore was awful. It was full of undergrowth and we had a rough time getting the craft inside the water and ourselves inside the raft. Once we accomplished that attempt we had to be just floating while waiting for my cousin and his relative. In that moment was when we were able to talk about what we had just seen in that farm a few minutes before for the first time. We couldn’t believe it, we just asked each other one time and another:

Me: Did you see her?

Friend: How can be that possible?

Me: Did you see her?

Friend: How can be that possible?

Me: Did you see her?

Friend: How can be that possible?

That conversation was much longer than you can imagine. Then my cousin and his relative appeared in their oarless craft mad at us because they said we were disappeared. It seemed like there were a comfortable and peaceful place to get in the river almost a hundred yards before we did. Then they tied up the craft to ours and we started paddling. It was annoying to paddle for them, but since we agreed to take turns we could handle it. My friend and I didn’t know the river and didn’t know how much we would be descending either.

My cousin and his in-law lied down while they smoked one joint each other and drunk beer. The rope we used to tie up the crafts was like six or seven yards long so my friend and I didn’t realize that we were their slaves at the beginning. We paddled for twenty or more minutes before we started asking them to switch places, but it wasn’t easy putting their craft in front of ours, while we were trying a way’s division of the river appeared, my cousin told us to lead them for one of the ways, but we couldn’t direct the craft and we headed to the other way, the wrong one.

Then my fucking cousin untied the rope and since they were a few yards farther back they could make it to the good way paddling with their hands. While we were going on different directions they laughed and cheered because of their exploit. The way my friend and I where in was too stopped and full of rocks and undergrowth, we burst our craft and we had to paddle very hard. A few minutes later, maybe fifteen minutes the river got better and it converged again. Then we saw them farther ahead from us.

We tried to reach them to give them the oars but we witnessed unbelieving how they were getting out of the river in a little park wit cars and motorbikes parked. We paddled there and we asked what the fuck was going on. My cousin told me that was the end of our descent, that he had parked his car in that place, that we lost the best part of the river, the only one where we wouldn’t have to paddle. All what we did was getting out of the river, waiting for our craft gone flat and get the fuck out of there.

We were mad with my cousin and his freaking lazy brother-in-law. They fucked us well, but if we think about it carefully we would realize that everything was our fault. We didn’t react well when we saw the hottest girl ever, we didn’t even talk to her. Our minds went blank, we reacted badly and our day went awful because of that. These are better reactions to a hot girl feeding water to a donkey:

1/ Talk to her you fucking asshole! (It was too unexpected to do so)

2/ Give her my phone number and my email (Explain to her what a phone number and an email is)

3/ Pet her donkey and gain her sympathies, then if she was able to, start a conversation (It will always be a mystery to me)

4/ Ask her to lead us to the river’s shore, once there ask her to come with us in the inflatable raft, once in the inflatable raft ask her to marry me (My dream has always been getting married with an hermit like myself)

5/ Go to the hospital and get treated my hallucination’s problems (Okay, maybe there wasn’t a girl feeding that donkey but I swear that goblin forced me to burn that bakery)

6/ Tell them that we came from the future, that human race was wiped out in there and our mission was to impregnate every woman in their period (Period of time not menstruation period… or both, whatever)

7/ Buy her to her owner (I don’t think farmer’s girls are too expensive)

8/ Kidnap her (She wouldn’t care I’m sure)

9/ Get involved in a death fight with my friend where the winner would take the girl and the looser the old man farmer (I maybe let my friend win)

10/ Beg to the old man to make me his slave too (We could live a tragic passionate slave’s love story)

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