Things you do and I know because I do them too

1/ You are not learning German at nights, you just changed the channel hastily when you heard someone was entering the room while watching porn (You should try German porn)

2/ You are not concern about your girl´s bestfriend because she is very promiscuous, you are concern because she is hot and she is not being promiscuous with you (But yeah, keep saying to your girl that you guys need to help her out and put her in the right way)

3/ You don´t wash your hands after peeing unless someone else is in the room witnessing (We have to stop that nonsense)

4/ You are not brushing your teeth with your finger because you forgot your toothbrush, you just couldn´t admit to your workmate that you don´t brush your teeth after eating at work (The question is: Why do workmates always offer their toothpaste to help us to clean our teeth with our disgusting finger?)

5/ Last night´s dinner with your friends didn´t make you homesick, all the alcohol and drugs you had after the dinner did (But don´t worry, your parents or girl always believe you for some reason)

6/ You don´t have a cousin working as a singer at nights, her car didn´t break and you didn´t have to give her a ride home, and of course she doesn´t live near a very isolated park, you just were banging a prostitute in your car (A cousin singing at nights? What the hell is wrong with our excuses dude?)

7/ You don´t bring your laptop to the bathroom because you like to watch movies while you take a dump, you are jerking off with online porn (God bless Wi-Fi right?)

8/ Of course you pee in the shower my friend (All pipes join at one point, so where is the big deal?)

9/ You don´t read book´s forewords because you are lazy (They are boring anyway)

10/ You don´t like to dig holes in the midle of the night, you just murdered your annoying neighbour (Only me?)