Scared from the distance

I have been hearing a lot lately about the "tea party" and all their nutty supporters. Sometimes they say in the news here in Spain that Sarah Palin wants to run for president in the future. Sometimes they interview republican supporters and I listen to what they have to say, and I must confess that their opinions scare me a little bit, they are pretty radical if you ask me.

The US is one of the most powerful countries in the world. Could it ever be ran by such lunatic people? Well, you never know what happens at the polls, but let me tell you, I'm scared from the distance...

Reactions to a train from the hell

I was in Nis (or something like that) It's in Serbia. Well, the truth is I was in Skopje and I wanted to go to Greece, but my stupid friend and I took wrong the train. Two or more hours after the departure, when the Serbian police took our passports we started to doubt we were going to Greece. I approached two girls and asked:

Me: Is this train going to Greece?

Girl (shocked): This goes to Serbia!!

Me: Oops, I wanted to go to Greece

Girl (worried): Oh my God! You should talk to the ticket inspector or something, this goes to Nis!

Me: Bah, don't worry, Greece can wait... How is Nis like?

The girl didn't respond, her friend just stared smiling because she didn't understand English or whatever language we were raping in that cabin. I didn't go to talk to the ticket inspector, he came to talk with me to charge us more money. He was an ass, the idiot saw our tickets only a couple minutes after we boarded, he didn't notice we were in the wrong train, but then he was charging us for our mistake.

Anyways, we spent some time in Nis, pretty nice place by the way. Then we took a train to Bar, that's in Montenegro, Adriatic Sea shore, pretty close to Italy, we were going there to take a boat to Bari. The train lasts almost twuenty hours to make that journey. We did not know that.

We boarded at night, the day had been very sunny and nice, but suddenly a strong storm appeared and got us wet. It was rainning a lot and the water came into the train because some windows were broken, we found ourselves a cabin with fine windows and prepared for the trip. Suddenly I saw a red laser around me and then I heard a couple of shoots, when I thought I would be dead, I noticed a little boy with a fake gun, I ignored him until I saw he was with his big boobs sister, then of course I pretended to be the classic kind guy who loves children.

That always works, his sister was mine at the second minute. Then a shitty ticket inspector came to our cabin and kicked us out, he said we had reservations and our cabin was one a couple yards away, a cabin with a broken window by the way. We argued for awhile but the guy didn't speak English, so we took advantage of that by describing him with a lot of not kind adjetivals. But we ended near a broken window which he tried to fix with some lame rope, that guy must be the McGiver from Nis or something.

Big boobs (I totally forgot her name, I'm awful with people names, don't take this big boobs as a demeaning but as complementary thing please) and his little annoying brother were with their parents, and it seemed like she didn't have space in their cabin, the place was crowded so I invited her to ours, her parents allowed his brother to come for awhile, and that sucked. We were four people with six sits, my friend was trying to sleep, the girl was into me and her brother's time in our cabin was expiring, so at that moment I thought that trip was great. Then a 25 year old male gipsy arrived to our cabin, then the train left.

We chit-chated for more than an hour, then the girl's mother came to took his kid to her cabin and put him to sleep. One obstacle was over, only one to go, so we waited like another hour for the annoying gipsy (not a racist thing, he was annoying no matter his skin, and disturbing too) to fall sleep, then we could hook up. The problem of making out with a girl who has her family in the next cabin is that you don't have complete freedom, any thought of getting laid in that train blowed up when I saw how she went off of me everytime someone passed by the aisle near our cabin. When I saw how dirty, wet and disgusting were the bathrooms I just realised I was wasting my time at all.

Even though it was being a nice trip, those little travelling platonic relationships are cool, the best I would say. We fell sleep and then when I woke up, the comfortable train I thought I was in had became in hell. Our cabin was eventually full of teenagers, some of them really drunk and noisy, eight people for six sits. Big boobs was there, talking to them, I think she was twenty, so she went along with the seventeen years old people, maybe they were twenty too, I couldn't tell, but they were retarded and very noisy.

I wanted to sleep and couldn't, so I kicked my friend and woke him up, I didn't want to go through that alone. Big boobs, who was not as cute as I remembered from the night before, introduced me to the new people but nobody there spoke English. Finally my friend opened his eyes.

Friend: Who the fuck are these noisy people?

Me: I don't know man, I think all of them are going to the beach or something, there are like a hundred teenagers in this train, at least fifty in the aisle smoking and getting drunk

Friend: Are we there yet?

Big boobs: We are almost there, only eight hours for my stop and like eleven for yours

We didn't know that trip was going to be so long, we didn't have any food, we ate all the night before, even offered some to the girl and the gipsy. For a really long time we tried to sleep and couldn't, we witnessed how teenagers argued, fought, made peace, fought again, got drunk, sober, drunk again... And overall how they yelled, all the time, very high levels there. Picture ten hours like that, sleepy, with teenagers all over and not knowing where you are and how much left it is. The view was amazing, the train went across beautiful mountains and lakes, but I couldn't enjoy it at all. By the way, the girl's brother woke up and started pointing me with his red laser and shooting at me with his fake gun all the time, this time no games with him, I sent him to fuck himself very quickly. Did I mention the bathrooms were dirty, wet and not working? I needed to crap (as always) My mp3's battery went off so I didn't have music either.

Every couple of minutes some police for some differents countries came and took all our passports for a lot of time, that train was hell. We just hanged in there really pissed while insulting and complaining, but only big boobs could understand us, due to that, we started insulting just her and she leftt the cabin, last time I saw her. I behaved like an ass. Maybe that wasn't the best reaction. These are other reactions to a train from hell:

1/ Get big boobs pregnant (I think she was anyway, those boobs were unreal)

2/ Get drunk with the teens until I passed out (Then drink more until I passed away)

3/ Being racist with the gipsy and start an argument about why and why not they should have rights (That would be a monologue though)

4/ Take the boy's gun and smash it into pieces (Or just smash the boy into pieces)

5/ Take advantage of the broken window and jump out (I tried, but the stupid ticket revisor made a really good work fixing it)

6/ Get involve in the teenager's fights (Yeah, sure, get my ass kicked was the only thing left for me that day)

7/ Destroy my passport and get arrested when the police come to check them (Spent the rest of my life in a Balkan's jail would've been better than in that train)

8/ Take a dump in the cabin and spread out the teenagers (They were so drunk they didn't notice it, just my friend and I)

9/ Take a mop and clean the train's bathrooms so I can use them (Since big boobs didn't want to... There started our relationship crisis I guess)

10/ Don't breathe until everything just goes away (The gipsy noticed my suicidal attemp and saved my life, what a retarded idiot!)

Che, I'm sorry for you

Have you noticed how many people wear clothes with the Che's picture on it? It's like an epidemic, T-shirts, caps, sweaters, tatoos... There is a whole bussiness behind this dude's face. And I think this is really sad, not because I don't like the Che's history but because I know the Che's history.

This guy was a revolutionary with a very radical socialist idiology, he really heated imperialism, and look now, his face is an icon of imperialism, he is like Nike now. I think if he came to life again and he saw all those people walking around with his face, he would go back to death again, he would be so dissapointed, poor dude, devote his life to his idiology for this, Che, I'm sorry for you.

Old friends

Today an old friend called me, I have to confess that since I moved out from my home town I pretty much broke all contact with it. I started travelling and doing other things. My life in my home town wasn't the healthiest so I think I won with the change. At least I've learned that for sure today.

When an old friend calls you after a couple years without any contact, he would start telling you a lot of things: "That guy had a kid, he is so fucked now" "That other guy is messed up because his girlfriend left him" "My brother is fat as hell now, you won't recognize him for sure"

And you just listen thinking: "Ok man..." Then all the personal questions arrive: "Where are you now?" "You married or what?" "Are you working in the same place?" Then the attemps of getting together: "Dude, you have to come to town with us and have fun like the old days" "What are you doing this week?" "Come on man, we miss you here"

And right now I'm the one who's fucked, one of this days I will have to go to my home town to listen a lot of stories I'm not sure I'm interesed in, tell the same story once and again about where I've been, what I'm doing now...etc. And what for? I think old friends just should meet in periods of 20 or 25 years, that's a real old friend.

Don't get a Golden Retriever my friend

I like dogs, I think they are a great animal, but they come with responsabilities. You have to raise them, take care about them, feed them, play with them, walk them...etc. I honestly like doing all those things, my problem is my dog doesn't pay me any attention, he manages me like he wants.

And that's because of his beauty, I have a Golden retriever, that is a famous breed for its beauty and intelligence. They have this extremly sad gesture that makes me impossible to telling him off no matter what he does. He is totally barbarian, out of control. He makes me feel like the worst human being when I take my car, he tries to get in, I don't let him and I leave without him, I drive and feel like if I've killed somebody.

When we talk about food is even worse, the dog is fat, I won't lie to you... But just understand me man, I can't deny food to those sad eyes! I think he is so smart that he does all that on purpose, this is his strategy, he is really mean, Goldens retriever are mean. Don't get a Golden retriever my friend...

Google sucks!

Don't you think? This company must be full of idiots. Of course they have a lot of money, but money is money, not intelligence. The internet has given a lot of money to geeks. If it wasn't for the internet, if this idea of connecting all the computers would have never worked, those millionaries would be serving burguers, I'm pretty sure.

Think about it, two guys from Stanford who probably had problems to get dates, made this engine for their university website and a couple of years later they were billioners. Why didn't you or me make such thing? Why them? Well, I was a boy in 1998, and you... well, you know your reasons I guess. So, What is my problem? Why I'm saying they are idiots? Just look around man, look the ads they put or let put on blogs... Are intelligent the people who is putting this ads in my blog? I think they are not, I think they are idiots.

If someone writes in his blog about women's rights, Google will put ads about: "Browse singles now" (African dating and singles). If someone decides to write about hunger and the third world, Google will put different ads: "Browse singles now" (Filipino dating and singles). If someone writes about how much he hates religion, Google will put all kind of ads like: "Scientology" (Who I am? What is my future?... Ahhh!) "Who is the Antichrist?" (Click and see..) Really Google? I don't even want to imagine what crap will they put in this post, but I bet it will be something stupid, because they are idiots, because Google sucks!

Life's videogame

I like video games, I think they are amusing and fun, but I can't understand how some people spend so much time on those, particularly the life-like ones such as the Sims for example. Sometimes I think life is the best video game possible, and some people are not playing it enough.

Just think about it, picture a video game where you move yourself, with a huge beautiful scenery, where you can interact with other players and even love them. With a great video quality, free, surprising, with great stages and challenges, life is the greatest videogame possible, the dream of any player. You just need to get to know your avatar good enough, how it moves, how it thinks, where is its limit, what are its goals. In regular video games the first thing we always do is to push all the buttons to check how it goes, in this one I think we should do something pretty similar as well. Check ourselves before start playing.

Of course it has problems: Only one life, one mistake or an accident and you are done, our acts have consecuences, we can feel pain, our movements are limited, we have to spend time looking for survival (money), but other than that, I think this video game is pretty awesome. I think all of us should make the most of it and have fun before the "Game Over" sign shows up in our screen.

Honey, I love you at the moment

I don't have anything against marriage, I think it's wonderful that two people love each other enough to spend their whole time together. But who do we want to fool here? Everyone has like a million people who could spend the life with, is just chance what joins us, maybe conformism and society pressure too.

I find very interesting that almost everytime a member of a couple experiments a big change in life, let's call it fame, huge promotion or lottery for example, that couple is done, that true love flyes away with prittier people or money. How many couples are still arguing about who owns that winning lottery ticket they bought holding hands, smiling very hopeful and so in love?

I think true love (calling that: soul mates, only one person for each one...etc.) just exists within ignorance. In the other hand, marriage love and respect (calling that: two people working as a team) exists and works, but just in some particular escenarios, those relationships can go away in any moment, any big change can end with the team inevitably. And that's why we should say to our partners: Honey, I love you at the moment

Being legal is too tough

If hell exists it must be some sort of waiting room, I don't find a worse place in the world that those. The other day I had to go to the police station to renew my ID (we do that in Galicia, yes) Of course in the village where I live there isn't a police station, there is not even a police officer. So I had to go to the closest town with police station, a place with no more than five thousand population, shame that day the five thousand people had to renew their IDs too.

First of all you wake up early thinking that the sooner you get there the sooner you will leave, of course that is what everybody thinks and when you arrive you see a great mass of people there, just waiting, the luckiest ones reading gossip magazines pretending they just do it because they are there and no because they really like those, the others just staring at the infinite while moving a leg up and down, down and up.

I took a number and sat down, most of the people said hello because that is one of the best moments in the waiting room, when a new one enteres and becomes the most prick in the place, disoriented trying to understand what is going on there, trying to figure out how much time is he going to be there, just waiting. After a good twenty minutes of staring at the infinite witnessing how nobody called for a number I realised that this place was slow, I look to the number they gave me, it was the 53.

Me: - What's the last number they called for?

Sad old lady: - 9

That was the closest I've been to death, that cold, souless and hopeless answer made me think that maybe that old sad lady was young and happy when she came into that room. I was facing my future, and it was no good. I took a look to the people around, some of them were sleeping, maybe dead, others where just talking to themselves, obviously going nuts. A kid was playing with his Nintendo, he seemed normal until I found out he was playing with the machine turned off. An officer came and called the number 10, a very old man broke down and cried, then another old man showed the number ten ticket and after hugging and saying good bye to everybody he left.

I looked the the man criying and asked him:

Me: -Why are you crying sir? you ok?

Sad old man: - You bet I am... I'm closer than ever, only five to go...

That was it for me, I don't want to be an old man who cries because his turn has almost came. Like a hero (I'm probably a legend in that town right now) I got up, put my number in the coffe table and took off under the whisper and sounds of impression of the people there. I prefer to live with an expired ID than die with a renovated one. Being legal is too tough!

Pop Porn Star

I like music, I don't have a very good ear but I can enjoy listenning to music. I think there are a lot of talented singers all over, but I want to talk about the most famous, the ones with a lot of publicity, work and money. What is going on with them? What the hell is wrong in the music industry? Are they completly nuts?

Answer: - No, they just know how to earn money (using sex)

If you are a male and you like singing, you are hot and you don't have an absolutely disgusting voice, you may get to the top. You only have to play the bad boy character, who is very sensitive and had troubles with drugs. Screw a couple groupies and break some famous girl's heart, make a song about it and you'll be a legend. Also works if you make a song about your lifetime gilfriend breaking your heart. Then make a very sensitive videoclip where a lot of pretty ladies worship you while you ignore them because you are just looking for the girl you really like and care about. Right to the top my friend!

If you are a female you'll have more competition, they may ask you for a good voice, but that is not really important in this bussiness, you need to be hot, really hot, and you have to act like you are horny 24/7. Make a couple songs about how much you like sex, how promiscuous you are, put a couple sensitive songs in your record as well just to show you have feelings and you are so badass now because someone broke your heart in the past. Then act weird, get yourself in troubles, show skin in your clips, the most recurrent is the one where you go to some beach shore and half naked you make out with a gym dude, you sing a little while you guys get wet. Then you'll just find yourself on the top.

When I watch music videoclips I honestly flip out. Right now most of them, (I mean the ones from these Shakiras, Ladies Gagas, Keshas, Katies Perrys...etc) are just porn shorts with the explicit scenes cut out. I don't care about it, I'm not complainning but just saying it amuses and impresses me. I don't think is too far the day when we'll be able to see the Pop Star of the moment grabbing a penis and singing at it like if it was a microphone in her clips. Maybe singing while some dude is eating her out or just banging her from behind, that is where this industry is going, music industry is converging with porn industry. I just hope my doughter won't ever tell me: "Dad, I want to be a Pop Porn Star"

Just let us go for God sakes!

Have you ever thought about how hard is leaving a place? Everybody has a little kidnapper inside, and I think this nonsense must come to an end. You are at someone's house, you decide you are bored already and you want to go some place else, but you can't, they won't let you go.

You always need a strong excuse to be able of leaving: "I have to catch a plane" "My grandpa is ill" "Police just called me, my house is on fire" But some friendly kidnapers would even find weak those excuses: "Can't you catch the next one? I bet you do... come on, stay a little longer!" "Your grandpa is a big boy, don't worry about him, he'll be fine..." "Bah! the police always exaggerating, grab another cookie! Do you want more coffee? Don't put that face, your house is perfectly fine, I'm sure!"

When you want to leave a place you feel awful, is like breaking a really bad new. You are there, with thoughts of leaving for almost an hour before mustering the courage to actually make the first move to reach freedom by saying you want to go. Of course the first reaction to your leaving attemp doesn't work, you get up, you say goodbye but that just means you guys are going to keep talking aside the door, there, so close of the goal, but so far at the same time, since hosts always lean on the door so they have the power, only they can open it.

The saddest thing is that the host is usually dying for you to go off his house. They are just being polite, you want to leave, he wants you to leave, but he doesn't let you because he wants to be a good host, and in this culture being a good host means being a kidnaper. Life is too short to be chit-chating in front of a closed door, please let's end with this madness. Hosts of the world: Just let us go for God sakes!

My hero is Adolf Hitler

Most of people hate Hitler, he was an evil racist murderer despot invader. Some people worship him due to their ignorance or aim to be part of a social group, but the normal thing is to hate this character. If someone asks me who do I admire the most and I answer "Adolf Hitler" that someone would think I'm nuts, nazi or evil.

So... How come that very same someone would find me interesting if I answer that I admire "Genghis Khan" "Julio Cesar" "Napoleon" or "Hernán Cortés" for example? I had even teachers who worshiped "Alejandro Magnum" Weren't they evil racist murderer despot invaders? Does it mean that in a hundred of years teachers will be worshiping Hitler like we do now with all those other characters? Would be streets in the future named over Adolf Hitler? Because there are streets named over "Hernán Cortés" or "Francisco Pizarro" where I live. Is Hitler going to be a great hero in the future?

I think that is not fair, we shouldn't be raising that kind of people, they were bad people, they don't deserve to be heros just because a lot of time has passed by. We must study them due to their importance of course, but worshiping them... come on man. Do you want your great-grandson saying: "My hero is Adolf Hitler"?

The afterlife

I think everybody thinks a lot about this matter. I have to confess that I'm not obsessed about death, but rather curious about it. It is like the end of a movie, whether it's good or bad you want to know how it ends. I want to know who is right, if the religious people or the sane people, if there is a heaven for our spirit or if we are just a dish for the warms.

Death is a rush, something that when takes place near us affects us a lot, it get us nervous, introspective, weak... when it shows up near us it is like a reminder, "I'm still here, waiting for you". But then time goes by and we forget about death again, and I think it's normal, we can't be thinking about death all the time, it would be crazy. There is no question we will die, but it would be better if it just comes as a surprise, without having to dwell on it or suffer for years.

But let me tell you about a little unscientific theory that I have about the afterlife. It is not that I actually believe it, but I think it is a posibility. Our brain is brilliant, I think most people agree on that, it has millions of years of evolution under its belt. What if our brain had developed some sort of self-defense mechanism against death? What if our brain an instant before shutting down forever had the skills to induce our conscience into a dream?

Think about it, my English is too weak to explain this kind of things yet, but just make an effort to imagine yourself dying, your brain knowing it and protecting you (your conscience) by inducing you in an infinite timeless dream. It is a mystery to science how our brain works, how it turns electricity into thoughts, colors, feelings...etc. Why wouldn't be it able to keep working even though it doesn't exist anymore? We dream because our brain needs to be working all the time, if it stops it doesn't start anymore according to science, that's why our dreams are so lame, they are produced by one tiny part of our brain, a few tiny parts actually, but the point is that dreaming is cheap, if real life is Play Station 3 dreams are game boy... Not much scenarios to load.

Maybe our brain can put our conscience in a limited and simple scenario with only a few characters who we would be giving different personalities like we do in our bed time dreams. Our life would be over, our body would be incinerated or decomposed, but our conscience would be hanging out in some imaginary place with imaginary people forever. And if it happens to be a good dream this theory would be awesome, but I don't even want to imagine an infinite nightmare.

Shy people are discriminated against

Don't you think? Shy people are very misundestood in our society and they are pretty excluded as well. People don't trust them, they say things like: He left without even say goodbye, that dude is an ass or: I saw her in the street and she didn't even stoped and chated, she is so full of herself

Shy people don't avoid talking to you because they think they are better or you suck (Maybe this happens sometimes too but is not the most common) they can't, they have like a wall to climb before tell you something, that wall is called confidence. And just for the record, telling to a shy person to not be shy doesn't work in their confidence, it makes it worse. Would you tell to a black or an indian to stop being black or indian?

The members of this discriminated community that I'm most worried about are the kids, they seem to be lonely, but when you break their wall and find the real person behind they are just normal fine kids and usually even more interesting than regular kids because of their huge imagination. I spent hours playing with a shy three year old who claimed that his yard was the ocean and we were fishes. If instead of being patient with him I had just done what most of us do and just forget about the kid thinking that he was a nut or he wasn't worth it I would have missed I great kid.

Don't discrimate shy people dude, they are easy to locate, once you find one just respect and ignore the shyness until it goes away, that won't take that long

What color is your blue?

We tend to think that the world is exactly like we see it, that our point of view is the correct and the rest of people are wrong. And doing that is completely nuts, I think the world is not even close like we recieve it, all the colors, the smells, the noise... all of that is made up by our brain.

If we could see just what it is we would see trillions of cells and atoms, a huge mass of little things connected to each other and moving all over the place. I think our brain is a filter that becomes that mass in a complex selection of colors and forms. But every brain is unique.

We have our own filter, so it's very probable that everyone of us perceieves the world in a different way, very similar because we are very similar, but our reception could have some significants and amusing diferences. For example, everybody knows that the sky is blue, the blood is red and the grass is green, that is communal to all of us.

But how do we know if my blue and your blue are the same color? Who doesn't tell you that my blue is your red? They taught us since we were little kids that the grass is green, that is universal to all of us, the perception of that color green isn't. If we switched brains for a moment we probably will flip out when we saw a red sky, green blood and blue grass for example.

How can we think we have the absolute truth when we don't even know how the world exactly is? Why is it so difficult to walk in another's shoes? Next time you think someone is an idiot and is very mistaken and you are so right and smart, or next time you see Hail Mary on the top of a mountain, just think for a moment and try to answer this question: What color is your blue?

The magic equation

Like everyone I guess, I usually think about the third world. How is it possible for us to live in such an unequal world? All the excess of the first world and all the destitution of the third. I find amazing that most of the people asume that with normality, like if it was necesary to be this way. But who should feel sorry for who in here? In the first world our children are fat and capricious, in the third world the children are undernourished and smiling.

It's obvious that this unequal situation is a result of the colonialism and imperialism, that is very recent yet and the countries which sufered slavery or genocide couldn't develop and they fell into extrem poverty. And we live in a very competitive world where the countries compite against each other, the problem is some of them drive Ferraris and most of them ride bicycles. And yes, sure the ferraris help the bicycles sometimes... But do they do it enough?

I think every person has a couple of primarly needs that should be undeniable: Nutrition, education, medical access, clothes, security and housing. Everyone should have these needs covered. A place to live and shelter of the bad weather, clothes to wear to be protected of the cold or humidity or whatever, an education to be more peaceful and awareness of the world, food to eat and water to drink to be able to live, a medical access to be cured when they have a curable disease and protection to feel safe.

The doubt is if all this needs could be covered in this time we're living, I'm pretty sure they are. Is it ethical to live in a world of excess when there is a world of lacks right by our side? Do we really need to send all those rockets to the space in stead of building farms, schools or hospitals? Is this Ferraris and bicycles race fair? Or should we stop the race and with the materials of the Ferraris and bicycles make equal automibiles?

What result do you think this equation has? Weath/population = x

Is it worth it?

Have you ever noticed how hard is getting successful? And being successful? If you want to catch your dreams you have to make a lot of sacrifices. Most of the athletes, actors, writers, singers...etc. always say in the interviews how hard was for them to reach their dream. And it seems true.

If you want to be more than it's expected, you have to work hard, make sacrifices, lose some experiences, for example, most of the athletes didn't have a normal adolescence, they couldn't go party like the others, they missed a lot of things because they had to train a lot. If you want to be a writer you can't go out everyday and never write, you have to write a lot, if you want to be a singer you have to sing a lot, that makes you better.

You can't complain if you are a failure and you didn't do anything to not being it. Some people find consolation in blaming something or someone else. And they may be right, if you blame an injury, the bad luck or the society you don't blame youself and you can live with yourself, but that is only that... a consolation.

When you make the sacrifices, you work hard, you take your oportunity and you become successful... What's next? Well, if you are really good at something, they will make you so famous you won't be able to live, and if you are just a regular one you probably will keep fighting to be the best, if you make it you'll be famous and won't be able to live, if you don't make it you'll feel like a failure again.

All the sacrifice, all that people left behind, all that struggle and desperation, all that time fighting and waiting your oportunity and What for? To live a life you can't live because of your gift, to be a failure because there's people better than you in your thing. At the end... Is it worth it? If you have to think the answer you have already answered.

Reactions to Sofia's airport

I took the plane in Madrid and headed to Skopje, but I had a scale in Bulgary's capital: Sofia. The plane was not full, but there was a lot of people, everything seemed normal. I took off and found myself in a small airport, really small, it was like a mall, and all the people left the mall at some point.

I had like nine hours ahead until my plane takeoff, and everybody in that airport disapeared, literally. I thought I must take a cab and go around Sofia for awhile, but as soon as I step foot outside the airport all the taxi drivers approached me thirsty of my money and I decided that Sofia could wait, I just would go to look for a bar and get myself a little drunk.

I boarded nine hours before my plane's departure and found out that the terminal of departures was even emptier than the part of the airport with the check in's desks and the disgusting taxi drivers in the door.

I found some kind of bar, it was like a beach's refreshment stall. There was a waitress not atractive, a waiter playing with a computer and a fifty year old male customer drinking a beer and using his laptop. I ordered a big beer and tried to get drunk quickly so time would past faster and the waitress would become prettier.

But when my beer was yet in its half, my plan changed. I gorgeous girl came to the bar, ordered some suspicious sandwhich and sat right by my side. That kind of thinks usually don't happen to me, for some reason I'm always surrounded by ugly people. Both of us knew we were condemned to become friends, so gane her simpathies wasn't a hard thing to do. I offered to buy her a drink, getting drunk in an empty airport seemed a better idea with a gorgeous girl than alone, but she didn't want alcohol, despite she had eleven hours ahead until her flight. The truth is she was amazing, she had this impressive Lebanon beauty, mixed with a Parisian look, spoke English, French, Arabic and she was only eighteen.

We talked to the fifty year old, I tried to begin a conversation before but he didn't pay me any atention, but when the hot chick was by my side I suddenly became the dude's best friend or something. He wouldn't stop talking, he was the couch of Netherland's national team of some sport I didn't know, the girl neither. After half an hour or so he left, I don't know where, but he kissed the girl's hand recalling her how pretty she was and gave me a look that said: I wish I was you lucky bastard!

And then we spent nine hours together in an empty airport, just me, her, a few waiters working in this almost bars they had, there were three, all of them looking exactly the same, and even more disturbing, the waiters and waitress looked the same as well, that airport was like a source of parallel dimensions and I was trapped in the midle. We boarded and unboarded like five times in the nine hours, the people in the "security control" (Mcdonald's have more security than that airport) were very amused by us going through the metal detector several times in an afternoon.

There were some Arabics around the airport and sometimes they came to talk and find an explanation about what the hell was going on in that empty airport, but we didn't have it. The funny thing is that I'm getting a lot of this lately, once in Austria I took a train with a friend and we were the only passengers, every single sit was empty, then I found myself in an empty airport for nine hours in Sofia and once in Skopje I went to a mall to watch Robin Hood and when the movie ended there was nobody in the mall, just the ones who were watching the movie. Is people avoiding me? I think they do.

Maybe the reason is that I always put ten stupid options at the end of everything I say or write, so, just to keep people away from me I will keep doing it, these are some reactions to Sofia's airport:

1/ Scream until someone came (Didn't work)

2/ Sit down and watch Mtv's videoclips (Just could endure two minutes)

3/ Beg the Holland national coach to teach me everything about his sport and make me the best player in its history (Whatever it was)

4/ Get married with the Lebanon girl (Have kids and raise them in that airport)

5/ Start a revollution in Bulgary beginning by take control of their capital's airport (Piece of cake)

6/ Get drunk and imagine that I'm with one of the prettiest women I've ever met (Done!)

7/ Ask for a eight hours in a lifetime job (That's more than you can take here in Spain)

8/ Sleep and make time go by faster (With all those Arabics around me?)

9/ Let a taxi driver rip me off and go to see Sofia (Just to check out if there was people in the streets or it was like the airport)

10/ Go every hour to take a dump to the bathroom (I don't know what happens to me in the airports man)

I wish I was them

The world has been paralyzed lately, everybody was watching how 33 miners from a country named Chile were being rescued. I have to say I'm happy for them, know that people have survived from a tragedy is always pleasant. But honestly, I don't admire them at all... Why are they heros? All over I'm listenning how brave they are, what an example of comradeship they are, that they are heros. I don't want to be a wet blanket but... What were their options?

I'll tell you: whether heros or villein. What could they do? Or hold on and wait for the rescue like they did, or kill each other and themselves. Don't get me wrong, I'm not attacking the miners, they didn't call themselves heros after all. I'm attacking the media, it made them so famous, so brave, so heros, and now they are so screwed.

This mine's collapse is being used as a great business, for everybody but the miners. Yeah, they will win more money telling their story than would've won working their whole lives. But what's next? Will we remember any of those guys a year after the movie based on them isn't in the theaters any more? Are 33 humble miners going to asume well being madly famous for a couple weeks and then being nobody again? Does the media care about that? Do we know anything about the survivors of the plain crash in the Andes? Do we know how are they now? Do you think they are very happy people now? I heard most of them are not.

They sell us stories and we buy them like idiots, they manage us easily like they want. How come millions of people were worried for 33 miners and then hopefull and really happy for them, and those very same millions didn't give a shit of the more or less two thousand Chinese miners who died this same year? Is this coherent? Were there a lot of politicians hugging the Chinese victim's relatives like they did in Chile? Have a lot of politicians talked about and gave their support to the Chineses? Of course not, there weren't good photos and votes in China.

That's the reason why when I see this kind of things in this world we're living I just want to buried myself alive hundreds of yards under exactly like the Chilean miners were. I wish I was them!

God damn evolution

Don't you think it's a shame that the only animal to have eventually reached rationality is the monkey? According to evolution We came from the Ape, and I find this extremely disturbing.

Just look at the monkeys, they act like idiots, totally freaks, jumping, screaming all over the place, behaving like freaking clowns. Gorillas suck as well, they are the same than monkeys but lazier because they are really fat. An let's not mention the fact that every single ape stinks. How could this retarded branch of species develop a brain fit for rational thinking? Why do shitty monkeys and not cool tigers, awesome lions, unbelievable eagles or amazing wolves have the honor?

Picture a world of highly developed felines, that would be awesome. Our sports would be way better and more spectacular. We wouldn't behave like idiots like we do, our women would be even prettier than the ones we have now (Don't look at me like that, just remember catwoman... Ok?) Felines are much cooler than apes and everybody knows it.

I'm glad to have developed a brain which allows me to think and have somewhat of a conscience about myself. But my point is that I would prefer to have a nicely sculptured feline body rather than this clumsy ape one, and that's evolution's fault. God damn it!

Don't be afraid of water

Water means life, we can't live without it. So, How come we are so afraid of it? I´ve seen people running away faster from water than from death. And I don't mean floods or whichever natural disaster related with water. I mean water.

People walking in the street happily... it starts rainning and everybody panics, you hear screams, fear, chaos... Why? Is just water my friend. I little boy or a regular idiot with a hose in his hands trying to be cool or funny splashing everybody, people around panic, run away fast as hell. I understand that getting wet if you have an appointment is something to avoid, but still dude... Run away while screaming with a look of fear in your eye? Isn't it a little bit of an exaggeration?

Don´t be afraid of water, there are a lot or worse things that can happen to you than getting wet. Regular rain doesn't kill, trust me. Next time you are walking in the street and it starts rainning just keep walking, you'll see how you survive

Things you should know about the Balkans

I made a trip around the Balkans a couple months ago. I wrote a few posts about it but then my computer decided to host some virus and I lost everything (It wasn't a big lost, just more stupid posts of mine)

The place is great, but tricky, if you are thinking to go there let me give you some tips. These are some things you should know about the Balkans:

1/ They don't like to put paper in the toilets, and if they put it they don't allow to throw it by the toilet, you have to throw it in a trash can (Those trash cans are the most disgusting thing I've seen since my neighbour passed away)

2/ Serbians love Spaniards and hate Americans and Kosovans love Americans and hate Spaniards, only depending in their goverment's politics (Serbians and Kosovans agreed in something: Both hate me)

3/ Dudes love holding hands, kissing and hugging each other... But they are anty gay people (I felt like if I was in the Little Britain's gym locker room in those countries)

4/ Tha taxi drivers are like prostitutes (I guess some things are just the same everywhere)

5/ No matter what age, all women have huge breasts in there (It would be really awesome if wasn't for those poor little girls forced to carry all that weight in their backs)

6/ If you ask to an average Balkan, he will tell you that he speaks six or seven languages when they don't speak shit (Unless knowing how to say thanks and hello makes you a language speaker)

7/ You can put effort on explaining it, but they won't understand why the fuck are you visiting their country (Every single person asked me: - Why are you here? - Just travelling around - No seriously, Why you here?)

8/ Making a reservation in a train is worthless, worse than no making it. If you don't make a reservation you can choose the best sit, if you make a reservation you have to sit aside a broken window getting yourself wet and cold (Trains there are something else, I'll talk about them pretty soon)

9/ If you go to a barber he will do all type of crazy hearcuts in your head before doing what you asked for (And laugh about it)

10/ Gipsies are accepted in their sociaety (They are obviously too backward yet)

Magic fucking wires

Have you ever thought about how hard it is making a knot? Have you ever tried to make one and failed? Sailors and other professionals working with knots have a real difficult work, as a matter of fact.

So, there is something I can´t understand and it pisses me off. Why in lord´s name I fail every time I try to make a knot, but when I leave a couple of wires together they always coil and form a perfect profesional and impossible to untie knot?

The answer is simple: magic. You can leave wires alone for just two seconds and turn around, and when you turn back again you'll see a perfect knot. That is annoying, unfair... God bless the wireless future!

Reasons why I killed my neighbour

She was a lovely lady in her seventies who never left her home. The most she strayed away from her home was her garage, which to be fair was not within her home, but rather adjacent twenty feet from it. For years, that was the world for her, a twenty feet walk to her garage and back, in a lost village in the middle of nowhere in which she represented one percent of the population. I don´t blame her for having been a bad-tempered old witch, I will probably become her in no time if I stay here.

Our lives crossed paths many times in recent years. I like playing soccer in my yard, which has a pretty large soccer field that allows me to kick some balls around, but never in my wildest dreams I would think that my love for soccer would be lethal, and lead to an unfortunate and almost involuntary brush with murder.

The first time a ball fell in her property I just went there with a charming smile in my face and asked for my ball and forgiveness. She gave it back to me with a smile and we even chit-chatted a little. I just told her that obviously soccer is not my sport, but that I will continue trying to improve even if it is a lost cause.

The second time it happened, three minutes after the first time, the response was even kinder. I gave her a huge smile displaying all of my missing teeth and joked about how bad player I was and how practicing might be useless. The poor lady encouraged me by telling me that from her window it looked like I was a pretty good-looking player, which I was not sure how to take, but nevertheless her support encouraged me to continue playing.

The third time the ball flew over to her property she told me that I didn´t have to ring everytime my ball fell in her house, she allowed me to jump her short wall and take the ball by myself. I thought she was the best person I´ve ever met or will ever meet.

After the fourth time I noticed her husband and son building a higher wall, which kind of confused me a bit, but did not deter me from jumping anyway.

The fifth time the ball fell in her property I saw how her husband, her son and three more men starting to place barbwire on top of the higher wall. I thought they might be worried about crime in the neighborhood, as it was recently reported that a goat had gone missing. Cursing the thieves I jumped the wall and left a large piece of my favorite shorts hanging from the barbwire.

Sixth time I found myself in front of an impenetrable wall to go through so I took my very long stick with a net which I use to clean my pool and after some effort and time I took my ball back. The people who live in the house did not really like that. Looking back, I guess that is when the hostilities started.

My stick with the net was the second casualty, the first one was the ball I couldn´t get because the lady pulled the stick off of my hands from the other side of the wall while I was reaching to grab it. That was two and a half years ago. Since there I´ve lost 47 balls, that is approximately 1081 euros. It is approximately 1080 euros more than I earned with this blog in six months.

From there it went downhill, the old witch came out to her yard with one of my balls and a huge knife and stabbed it with a murderous and daring look in her face. She also burned some of them in the chimney so I could see the black smoke from my house. I believe she also fed her hens with the remnants of my burned balls. But despite her best efforts to dispose of them, most of the balls were still sprayed around her yard. She seemed to enjoy torturing me and my balls.

As a result of her many unprovoked acts of neighborly hostility, I was left with no choice but to start stalking her (that is how we roll in my village). After studying all her movements for some time, I realized she only went from the kitchen to the bedroom and back, except for the time she would detour and used the bathroom. I found it very suspicious that she never went to her living room, but I knew there had to be a good reason for it. Once I knew all her movements and routines, and taking advantage of her husband´s departure to work, I would sneak in and whack her in the head with my machete. Clean and quick.

Then I realised how stupid my plan was. If I got rid of her body (piece of cake here in the country) and took all my balls back, everybody would suspect I killed her. Now, our village CSI team has not been known for their crime solving acumen, so I think my chances here might be around fifty fifty. I could also kill her for the satisfaction of it, but sacrifice my balls in the process. That would really be a fool proof alibi when the CSI team comes around my house (Dude, you think I would kill the lovely old lady and leave all my balls there?). In case you are thinking that a bunch of balls are not worth murder, I also have a few other reasons to do away with her:

1/ She used to steal our chestnuts (Chestnuts are holy for me)

2/ She was extremly ugly and annoying (on those basis I should kill myself too)

3/ Either with me or with no one! (She dropped me after using me to feel young again, she did not succeed)

4/ She challenged me in a duel to end with the whole ball situation (We agreed to a fist fight, she had good punchs and even though her hip was damaged she showed me some good moves, but when I could hit her on the chin and knocked her down everything came very easy, with her in the floor I just kicked her in her wrinkled face more or less until she passed away)

5/ She played soccer better than me and I couldn´t take it (Soccer is clearly a female or homos game)

6/ I don´t know why I did it I just know it felt amazing (You should try it, we call it euthanasia around here)

7) I hit her with a ball in her temple (We need to find a new goal now)

8/ She was the last one left (Now I can proudly say I am a real hermit)

9/ I´m not a good drinker (She was not a good person to drink with)

10/ It was a me-or-she situation (I´m not sure she was aware of that)

Things you do and I know because I do them too

1/ You are not learning German at nights, you just changed the channel hastily when you heard someone was entering the room while watching porn (You should try German porn)

2/ You are not concern about your girl´s bestfriend because she is very promiscuous, you are concern because she is hot and she is not being promiscuous with you (But yeah, keep saying to your girl that you guys need to help her out and put her in the right way)

3/ You don´t wash your hands after peeing unless someone else is in the room witnessing (We have to stop that nonsense)

4/ You are not brushing your teeth with your finger because you forgot your toothbrush, you just couldn´t admit to your workmate that you don´t brush your teeth after eating at work (The question is: Why do workmates always offer their toothpaste to help us to clean our teeth with our disgusting finger?)

5/ Last night´s dinner with your friends didn´t make you homesick, all the alcohol and drugs you had after the dinner did (But don´t worry, your parents or girl always believe you for some reason)

6/ You don´t have a cousin working as a singer at nights, her car didn´t break and you didn´t have to give her a ride home, and of course she doesn´t live near a very isolated park, you just were banging a prostitute in your car (A cousin singing at nights? What the hell is wrong with our excuses dude?)

7/ You don´t bring your laptop to the bathroom because you like to watch movies while you take a dump, you are jerking off with online porn (God bless Wi-Fi right?)

8/ Of course you pee in the shower my friend (All pipes join at one point, so where is the big deal?)

9/ You don´t read book´s forewords because you are lazy (They are boring anyway)

10/ You don´t like to dig holes in the midle of the night, you just murdered your annoying neighbour (Only me?)